here i am

i arrived to Gotland at midnight the day before yesterday and Gemini picked me up at the boat terminal. we slept at her friends place in the centre of Visby before going out to her house yesterday. we had a full day and so much to do, that i didn't have time for my assignment, bad girl...

Gotland is a beautiful island and the weather has been gorgeous since i arrived. still cold, but sunny with a clear bleu sky. spring is a little later here than in Stockholm, but here i have the time to really drink it in and enjoy the wonders of nature coming to life.

Gemini is renovating this house that have some parts as old as a couple of hundred years. let's just say there is A LOT to do. right now she's having a couple helping her to make a fantastic plastered brick stove, with a baking oven and it will also be the main source for heating in the wintertime. this couple have a business together where they build and make those very special stoves. she is russian and he is native here from Gotland. they are such a cute pair, lovely people! i think they stole my heart :)

the sun is setting and i'm sitting in Gemini's garden while she's finishing up some stuff. we got up at 6 this morning, did practice (we took resting day yesterday), had a long nice breakfast and after the couple arrived we took the car to go and run a lot of errands. when we got back at 2pm some friends of Gemini came over for lunch and we barbecued in the garden. so now, at 6.45pm, i'm totally done. i wonder if it's ok to go to bed already? ;)

yawn... (april 30)

today has been a long, long, ridiculously long day - started at 5.20am getting up to practice and it's now 9pm and i'm finally on the boat. (i'll have to post this later cause i can't seem to reach my wireless broadband from here.) ugh, i'm completely exhausted, on the edge of passing out... it takes about three hours to get there so it'll be midnight when poor Gemini is picking me up. we'll see if she's up to driving out to the house at that hour, or if we can borough her friend's flat in Visby and crash there till tomorrow.

jeez, i'm so exhausted i can't even write! my brain is shutting down. i'm in my seat and people are running back and forth around me - going to the bathroom, getting food in the canteen, finding their seats or whatever. i just had Karunesh's heart chakra meditation on the ipod and it's soooo soothing! i think i'm going to fall asleep as soon as i shut down the laptop.

saw my sweetheart Bumblebee today. there really wasn't enough time but i just didn't give a damn, i had to see her before going away. she's a fantastic kid, the youngest at her daycare, and everyone loves her because she's so cut and happy. since she started about a month ago she's developed so fast. i guess it's because she's trying to keep up with the older kids, doing the same things as they. was so amazed to see her climbing the ladder to the slide, all by herself!!!

ok, i'm breaking my own rules here... as i'm totally incapable to think this is taking waaaay to much time to write. so, i'll stop here. i think you get the picture. i'll take a nap and hope i can fall asleep when i finally get to go to bed, for real...

yawn...

of busy bees and bumblebees

been busy bee today! i hardly had time to stop for two seconds and think of anything else but work. tomorrow i'm taking half day off and half the day is free anyway since it's Walpurgis Night and on friday it's May Day which in this socialist country is a holiday, ha ha!

anyway, i'm not going to watch any bonfires tomorrow cause i'm going to Gotland to visit Gemini, my dear friend and acupuncturist, who bought herself a house there. the boat leaves in the evening and i wont be there until midnight, but i have about a ton of things i need to do before i go. first thing, of course, is practice and after i'm having breakfast with Gentle Rock. we try to do that after practice once in while but lately we both seem to have been so busy, having to run off to work as soon as we're done with practice. so, tomorrow we'll have a chance to catch up a bit more than a few words in the shala and comments on FB :)

after that i'll go home to pack, finish up some work i didn't have time for today and do my taxes... bleh... ya ya, it needs to be done so i'll just do it.

and then, in the afternoon, comes the prime of my day! i'll be going to pick up Bumbles at daycare :) yay! i just have to see her before i go away for the whole weekend. i'm looking at her lovely little face right now. here is the pic i have for the desktop background on my laptop.


oups, time's up and i'm going to bed. 15 minutes isn't much, but hey! that's the whole point of this assignment. i gotta be quick and dirty ;)

homework

this is an experiment. i have given myself as 'homework' to do every day for the coming weeks that i'm going to blog for 15 minutes every day. i should've started this last week, but i've been putting it off... haven't been able to push myself to do it! part of the experiment is that i should just write and not edit myself (too much!) and not do any spell checking (which i just did!). i think i'll just have to look at it as a process cause i just wont be able to let go of that completely, not just yet anyway...

so, i hope these 15 minutes will be enough time to just dump what's on my mind at the moment. i'll have to accept that sometimes it wont be a masterpiece, well, most of the time it wont, he he...

oh, the mamas and the papas just came on my play list - california dreamin'... on such a winters day... next winter i should really try to go to california!

i caught a cold last week and haven't been practicing since last thursday. but today i was back on my mat :) was ok, stuffed nose but still able to breathe. only did up to janu sirsasana a. you don't want to overdo it on the first day, ha ha ha!

time's up! have a great day! CU tomorrow :)

Happy Birthday!

A few weeks ago we celebrated Bumblebee's first birthday and today is my 1 year blogiversary!


So much has happened in a year... The blogosphere is changing; my practice is changing; my left shoulder is still bothering me but it's slowly healing under the guarding eyes and hands of my wonderful teacher Mercury; my job situation is changing, don't know yet if it's for the better or if I'll finally decide to go elsewhere. We'll see what happens...

I still have hopes for this blog, but like I wrote in my very first post, I've never felt I had much to say about myself or my life in a blog or a web site, and that may be the key to why I haven't been able to keep up my writing for the last months. I'm a very social being (some of you know this from other channels :) and I think maybe my way to express myself is in the interaction with others. Blogging is a somewhat lonesome activity up to the point when/if readers start to comment. Anyway, I AM working on it, so please, bear with me...

And the baby is not a baby anymore! She's growing into a little girl so fast you can't believe it!!! She's got six teeth and is walking and talking. Alright, no real words yet, but talking she is. Here's a little clip to prove it :) (sorry about the really poor quality of this... my camera is finally quitting on me... need to get a new one!) The clip is from after her birthday party. Everyone is running around, cleaning up the place, while she is still, after so many hours and soooo many people, just a sparkling little bundle of sunshine! How is this even possible? I love her so much it hurts...

If this can't make you smile, what can?

I'm watching this over and over again, and I find myself with this silly, giant smile on my face every time! I'm going to kill myself with this cuteness!!!



At the same time I'm worried and sad for sweet Annabella and her Scout... I'm sending hugs and warm, happy thoughts their way, hoping everything turns out well. And since I can't give Anna a real orchid for her new office, here is a virtual one. Love to you both...

Of Bumblebees and Owls

Who would've thought?

I just lived through a wonderful weekend, so delightful in many ways and I also got a lot of stuff done that I've been putting off for far too long. I guess therapy is kicking in? Seriously, even if I still have a long way to go, it's really nice to see some progress, be able to feel a difference from just a couple of months ago.

On Friday I had the day off and after I'd dragged my sorry ass through practice, it was so nice to go back home, have breakfast and then take a nap before my dad came over to help out with a few things. In the evening I met up with Grace and a few of her colleagues for dinner before we went to see Vicky Christina Barcelona. How wonderful it is to have a good laugh in the company of friends!

And then, on Saturday night, Game Boy and LeapYear had a cocktail party to celebrate their 80th birthday! Muzzy and The Ed also came and there were a lot of other couples that I've met before but don't get see very often (everyone has kids!). It was a lovely evening and I had quite a few glasses of champagne :) Still, aiming to get up to practice the next morning...

Strange enough, it wasn't too hard to get out of bed, even though my head felt a bit heavy. Went to the shala with absolutely no expectations at all. Well, maybe just a little... that it would be a somewhat dense practice and that I wouldn't do it all... To my great surprise, my breath found the flow almost immediately, and for the first time in a very, very long time I noticed small, but distinct changes in almost every asana. Overall, I seemed more aware than usual which made it the most delightful practice. And if that wasn't enough, my shoulder and arm almost didn't give me any trouble at all :) Afterwards we went for the usual Sunday coffee at the nearby coffee place. What a joy!

For the first time in such a long time, I'm going to bed, on a Sunday night, feeling happy and content with my weekend, and even slightly positive about the upcoming week. I can't tell you how good that feels...

xxxx

"I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message"

Who put chewing gum in my brain?

I'm so fcuking tired I can hardly keep my eyes open, and thinking a thought through is nearly impossible. I almost didn't get up to go to practice this morning because my head didn't want to leave the pillow and later I fell asleep on the bus to work...

Besides that I just need to brag a little, although, most of you will probably think I'm even more insane than you ever could imagine ;-)

We've been away with work for two days on some kind of development conference for my unit. We went to a charming place outside Stockholm, in the archipelago. In the evening of the first day there was some time for recreation and a few of us decided to take a sauna. The facilities were excellent! A wooden fired sauna on a pier and only a couple of meters to get in the water. And so I did. For your information (Carl!) it was 52 degrees and just marvelous :-D

Silly Chitta?

Is it alright for someone how's supposed to be kind of depressed to make silly stuff like these? Well, I couldn't resist :) Make your own at www.yearbookyourself.com

The Fortune Cookie Bacio

"Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait to hear the answer."

Chitta needs to post...

To tell you the truth, life hit me, so HARD, after I got back from yoga camp. I don't like to whine, but I have to tell you straight up, I'm a total wreck... My self-confidence has gone right out the window, I don't know who I am anymore or what I'm good at in this world. I suck! There have been days when I wished I'd get a deadly disease so that I could just vanish from the face of the earth...

Of course nothing of this is true, I know that, but it's how I feel and right now I can't see a way out of it, don't know where to begin to sort out this mess and get back on track. The chittas are vritting a bit too much. Or as a very dear friend defined it: my mind is stuck in self amplifying deviation loops.

Most of this, I'm sure, emanates from the fcuking situation at work. Partly due to lots of stress that's been going on for far to long, and partly because of issues of leadership and value systems in the work environment (which of course also is stressful). All of these things can be dealt with, but they are really not my responsibility to sort out. I'm just the one getting squeezed in the middle.

I know, I know, time to find another job! Only problem is that promoting myself with a non existent self-confidence will probably not render me a new job...

I've had several talks with my boss, who is very understanding and considerate, and he SAYS he will do all in his power to help me get back on track. I'm not so sure though... he's also very anxious and unclear in his leadership. But I'm prepared to stick around a little more and at least take some advantage of the situation, let him do what he can do. Hopefully that will get me in a better state so that I can get the hell out of here.

For now, it seems that the only things that are joyful and make me a little happy is Bumblebee and my practice. I need to hold on to that and not let anything interfere or disturb it.

Practice has been good ever since yoga camp, great in fact. I've been able to keep at least 4 day weeks so far and seeing Mercury this regularly is getting my practice into a fantastic groove. Not so much in a touching-the-universe-kind-of-way, more like a I-could-do-this-every-day-for-the-rest-of-my-life-kind-of-way.

So, there you have it...

...and here is Bumblebee!

Me(me) needs...

LI Ashtangini tagged me for this meme where you go to Google, put in ‘[your given name] needs’ in the text window, hit 'search' and see what comes out. Hilarious! These were mine:

Chitta needs a boyfriend (doh!)

Chitta needs daylight (SAD, right?)

Chitta needs to put away things or otherwise clean apartment (well, who ever made this up knew what they were doing...)

Chitta needs to turn 22 more or gain 540 more Werewolf points to reach the next level: Cyber Werewolf! Chitta should get out there and bite some people! (yes please ;-)

Chitta needs mom and dad to be around a lot (ok, so not every one of these have to be true, do they?)

Chitta needs to start learning to do this stuff (what's *this*????)

Chitta needs to come home again (physically or mentally?)

Chitta needs one too (he he... ;-)

Hmmm, it doesn't say how many to tag, so I'll just tag as many as I like :) Liz, Susananda, Eeyore, and Arturo, consider yourselves tagged!

I'm The Empress?

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

A day in the life of a happy yogi

06.30 wake up, take a long, warm shower and get dressed

06.56 go to the shala


07.00 get on the mat




~08.30 savasana


08.45 have breakfast: grape fruit, buckwheat porridge filled with nuts, fruit, flaxseeds and topped with cinnamon, tea and/or coffee



11.00 technique class, philosophy and chanting with Morning Star
(~12.30 short brake for fruit and drinks)




14.00 lunch

afternoon - depending on the weather - hang out with other yogis, read, take a trip to local sights, sleep




18.30 dinner

sauna

20.30 meditation


22.00 go to bed

Preview

On my way to practice

The view from my mat


(to be continued...)

I <3 radio

Oh. My. Gosh. I just listened to an amazing program on the radio. So thought provoking, so inspiring, such a punch to the stomach.


We have a marvelous tradition on Swedish radio called Sommar. It's a radio show broadcast daily during the summer and every day is hosted by different people how get to talk about whatever they like and play music of their own choice. Mostly it's celebrities ranging from scientists, musicians, athletes, politicians, authors, artists and others with a reputation in their profession. Nowadays you can listen to the program on the web or as podcast, so you don't need to put on the radio any specific hour of the day. I usually listen to the web version while doing stuff around the house. Sometimes the host is no one I know of, but I tend to listen anyway and mostly I don't regret it. The shows are often interesting, funny, inspiring and thought provoking. And you get to listen to a lot of really good music from many different genres.

Anyway, today I got to Raymond Ahlgren (who is the son of one of Salvador Allende's closest men, Paredes). In a very creative way, he told the story of his own transformation for the past few years, the things he'd learned and new perspectives he had gained on his life and living in general.

Among other things, he spoke about how procrastination creates a kind of loss of time and energy. He described how thoughts that are not carried through are littering our brains. All of those things undone are still in our thoughts and filling up mental space with anguish to get them done. He compared the human brain to a hard drive, that when becoming fragmented will be slowed down and working poorly. In the same way we become tiered and slowed down, loosing power to get on with our lives. A tool to overcome this that he'd used was to try decreasing the distance, in terms of time, between thought and action. I find that a very useful way of looking at it.

Another subject he spoke about was how many of us search to find a partner that will make us whole. He argued that if we're not whole ourselves we are likely to attract a partner that isn't either. Say that we are both half and thinking that together we will be one. Though, simple math shows that 0.5 x 0.5 equals 0.25. Even if one of us is whole it would be 1 x 0.5 = 0.5. So, his point being that instead of creating wholeness and energy, we will instead drain ourselves and become less than we were before. In other words, we can not expect anyone else to heal us or make us a whole person. We need to do that ourselves.

Now you're all wondering what's new about this? Well, nothing really. These are all things I believe most of us are well aware of. Still, it doesn't hurt to be reminded once in a while, and it's really inspiring to hear it put in an eloquent and concrete way. We all need inspiration and some new perspectives, no?

To end this post on a lighter note, I give you a picture of Bumblebee in her endearing little dragon jacket!

I ran away with the circus!

Have been visiting with my friends the Circus Family for a couple of days. We've had lovely days at their summer house, a fantastic place where one can really relax and just be together. And they are a fantastic family to be a part of for a while :)

Circus Dad and I studied at the university together more than ten years ago. Since then he got married to Juggler Princess and moved back to his hometown a bit south of Stockholm. They had their second son, Smootchie, four months ago. He's a very content baby and so easy to have around, although, a baby is always a baby. It's cool to see another baby at the same developmental stage as Bumblebee was just a couple of months ago.

Smootchie's older brother, Calvin, is Prince Charming and a real cutie, but he is also a handful! I think I'll have make him a t-shirt that says 'I want!'. He's very determined ;-)

And everywhere you go, the Circus dog, Hobbes, follows you around. I think he might be the sweetest dog I ever met! We've gone for long walks in the woods. Every morning, before getting up, he came and snuzzled with me in my bed. And when you sit on a chair he comes and puts his little head in your lap or between your knees and looks at you with his big, cute eyes.

Calvin and Hobbes chasing bubbles




The Circus tent
Juggler Princess, Calvin and his best friend takes a swim in the pool
More animals at the Circus (bats! click image to enlarge)
Smootchie!


The observant reader probably noticed I haven't mentioned yoga for a while. That's simply because I decided my practice is also on vacation :) Instead of feeling guilty for not practicing, I just took a few weeks off. Next week I'm going to yoga camp and I will use this week to slowly get back into my practice. Will be sore, that's for sure.

Happy Birthday Bella Anna!

Vi e' så glada ida'
att du har födelseda'
att du e' född just ida'
Hurra hurra! HURRA HURRA!!! *)


Sweet darling Anna, I wish you an amazing, fabulous birthday, filled with snuzzles, shibas and cupcakes! Today is the beginning of a wonderful year in your life. Remember, you're the hero in your own story :-D

ROAR! MEOWTH!

Sunshine-y hugs, lots of love and glittering pazzels over the miles!

xxxxxxxx


/Chitta

*) This is Grodan Boll's birthday song, not the most commonly sung on birthdays. Though, among my friends it is tradition to sing this one :) Basically, it says we're happy today that it's your birthday and that this is the day you were born!