Marathon

Dear friends and readers, not much news at Chitta's place this last week... Not that there hasn't been anything to write about, things have just been CRAZY at work, like it always is this time of year - a never ending foot race. I've been on this job for six years now and I KNOW this is how it's going to be, and still I'm not in charge to plan so that it isn't. It's like a quarter of my work in one year is supposed to be done in the end of May and beginning of June, something I clearly can't change...

To go on about work, I also have a bit of a situation that goes much deeper than just having tons of stuff to get done with. It's kinda messy and I'm trying to sort things out to find out for myself how to handle it. Been seeing a councilor at my company health care centre to discuss things I can't really talk about with colleagues, at least not yet... I'll probably get back on this when things are clearer to me.

Practice has ben so and so. Or I should say, practice is good WHEN it happens. I still have a really hard time changing from practicing in the evenings (which I mostly do in the winters because of my SAD that needs to be treated with light therapy in the mornings) to morning practice.

Anyway, yesterday I went to Mercery's shala to practice with Gabi Pascoli who is visiting this week and next. What a fantastic teacher she is! She immediately spotted what is the problem with my left shoulder. She says it has a forward rotation, compared to the right. She gave me lots of good pointers and things to work on that of course has to do with strengthening muscles in the back, especially latissimus dorsi and the lower trapezius. I need to activate these muscles in far more poses then I'm right now. My notion that the collar bones and the chest needs to open seemed to be correct, with the addition that it's to be done by strengthening back and core. Oh, I'll try to see her again one morning next week!

Another wonderful thing about yesterday was that I got to practice beside Mercury and across the room from Morning Star! Rock'n Roll Boy and Eve was there too, but finishing up as we started so we got to chat a bit :) It was indeed a dripping practice. Had to wipe the floor around my mat a few times and we had to open the windows and keep them open if we were not to get cooked. After practice I had to rush of to work. Nevertheless I took the time to stay for some coffee with the girls at the nearby coffee place. It was so nice to get to talk a little and getting to know a bit more of Gabi! And Morning Star is the brightest shining star in the universe!


Last night we had "girls dinner" at Grace and Che's place. Since Che wasn't up to anything and The Ed was coming, Che and Muzzy joined us too! Someone said they are her Favorite Girls ;-) Hehe, this is not the first time we are having "girls dinner" with them present! I think they blend in nicely, and if we are having too much girls talk (like about the poverty in India!) they get on the computer and do some programming or discuss the current state of the computer business. It was a very nice evening and I know that Grace really enjoyed cooking in their new kitchen. Got home pretty late though... When I walked over the bridge to get home I noticed that the temperature was still 14 degrees and it was like 1.30 in the morning!

Today is Stockholm Marathon. The city will be closed off in a lot of places, making it impossible to move around, so I'll probably just stick around the house and chill out. They seem to have rerouted the course this year, but runners will still pass twice just a few blocks from where I live and maybe I'll go watch and cheer for them at some point. It's a bit cloudy, which is probably good for the poor runners, but it's still really warm and I think we'll hit at least 25 degrees today. I'm ok with that :) we'll see if they are!

Annabella smiled...

...and the sun came out again!

Sunshine

Well, haven't got much to say except whining a bit about too much shit at work, my boss is loosing it (I used to think he was the best boss I ever had), the weather sucks and I haven't practiced since Sunday...

So after experiencing what could possibly have been one of the worst days in a very, very long time, I spent yesterday evening with a little someone who could bring some sunshine into my life again!

Gray Sunday

This weather isn't helping at all! Cold, rainy and gray is what awaits you if you dare step outdoors. Yuck! Today's practice was truly dense and gloomy. My arm and shoulder were cumbersome and I happened to pick a spot in between a 'moaner' and a 'squirter'! Glad I did it, though. Haven't been to my own shala on a Sunday for a long time and was pleasantly surprised to discover that Toffee Hands is teaching those days now since Bird decided to stay in Mysore a few months more than planned.

I have to do some work this afternoon. NOT happy 'bout that, but it needs to be done. Bleh...

Yesterday was kinda nice though :) Did the laundry that needs to be done in the wash house (i.e. towels and sheets). Then met Grace and Che for coffee and we spent most of the afternoon just hanging out and having a nice time together. Later I went for dinner with Daddy'O and the brother of his sister's best friend and his wife. They've been on a three week trip to Russia and made a pit stop in Stockholm before going home to Sacramento. My sister and her mom came along too. This couple is quite amazing. They're in their 80's and go for such a trip, and they told us they still go skiing and do other physical activities. And they were such a sweet and delightful couple! They seemed so happy to meet some members of our family and to go for a nice meal at a local restaurant. I hope they have a safe trip home!

Gasp, I think I'll take a nap now...

Silly dream

This morning before I woke up, I dreamed of Carl! In the dream he unexpectedly came to visit me. I don't recall much of the dream, but what I do remember is that I was all exited to bring him to my shala and that we would practice together. Carl obviously didn't want to come with me and instead scheduled to go to different classes than me, which (as you can imagine) disturbed me and made me pretty upset!

I'm well aware that dreams are just a symbol of the stuff going on in your life that the subconscious is dealing with. The people and events that occur in your dream are not the people they're really about. But the feelings usually are! So now I'm pondering on what or who made me feel rejected, because that's the feeling I woke up with. I guess poor Carl just happened to become the target of this feeling because of a comment he made the other day. Dreams can indeed be silly!

Good Thursday

Shala was packed this morning when I came in. There were lots of familiar faces, which is always nice. Lea, Archangel (who went as I was still in sun sals, though), Rock'n Roll Boy was across from me and Strong Sparrow came right after me. Humming Finn had a little too much on his hands, but I was fine with that.

The room was perfectly tempered and humid. Although slow and a bit oompa loompa (as Annabella would call it?), the sounds of my own and the others breath created the amazing meditative ambiance that i really love. All in all, one of those days I'm happy I got to the mat, in spite of everything :)

I've spent the day working with a colleague, sitting in one of my favorite cafés. A good day - we accomplished a lot! We can get into those really great discussions that are inspiring, creative and fun! I'm so sad he will be on parental leave from July until at least February next year. Of course I'm happy for him to be able to stay home with his daughter - but how will I survive without him?

Bad body parts - Part II

This shoulder of mine is killing me again. The beautifully applied tape you see in the pic is part of the treatment I'm getting from my chiropractor. It's called Kinesio Tape and can be used for many different problems, like pain, reduction of movement, joint distortions, sport injuries, arthritis, spinal problems, muscular tension and so forth.

If you know anything about anatomy, by looking at the location and form of the tape, you might come to the conclusion that the taped muscles are Supraspinatus, Deltoid and Levator scapulea. These are the ones that have been bothering me the most, but also the Rotator cuff has been a bit annoying.

The tape sticks for about 7-10 days and now we are in a stage of the treatment plan when I see the chiro every three or four weeks. The last ones I got came of on Saturday (after heavy sweating in morning practice?). This means I will be without the tape for a couple of weeks before new ones are applied again.

One thing that really seem to ease the pain is to keep the chest open. I have to constantly remind myself, especially when sitting by the computer at my desk at work. Focusing on the heart and chest, keeping the image of the heart striving towards the sky, automatically makes the muscles in the shoulders and back relax. I need a new chair, though, 'cause the one I have make me slouch. Wasn't DZM discussing work chairs a while ago? I've found one that seems very cool, Capisco, that follows your body's movements. You can turn it and sit backwards with the back of the chair against your chest, and you can raise it and stand slightly leaning on it like in a saddle.

Anyways, the shoulder have been quite ok for a month now, so I wasn't really prepared that it would start bothering me this much again. Maybe I overdid it this weekend, despite my caution? I might have to modify even more? Petri mentioned that he had a shoulder injury a few years ago. Of course he kept up his practice. But for example, he did not do Chaturanga Dandasana bending the arms, and instead going right into Urdhva Mukah Svanasana with strait arms. I think that's what I'll try and see if there is any change.

Oh, and 'summer' is over, at least for now. After a fabulous weekend, temperature dropped from 77 to 41. In the suburbs it was really cold last night and a colleague of mine said there was frost on his lawn this morning, so it must have been at least 32 there. And now it's raining. Blah.

Sunny Sunday

Today is one of those days when you'd almost think it's July rather than May. The temperature is amazing, not a cloud in the sky and warm winds tickling your sleeveless arms. And the sounds, I love to listen to the sounds. Or rather the silence. Only once in a while you hear the sounds of someone doing renovation in their apartment, someone having lunch on the balcony, kids playing in the backyard or birds twittering.

This was NOT the case last night! The fabulous weather also brings out all the party animals. It was like every other neighbor in my house decided to have a party last night! My whole backyard was like a huge discotheque :-( Closing all windows and doors and using ear-plugs was the only way to get my precious sleep!

Practice was as lovely today as it was yesterday. I still lack some energy, so taking it slow and breathing was my main focus. Actually skipped a few of the last vinyasas just to keep what little energy that was still left so I could cope all the way to Navasana. I so wanted to get Petri's assists in Marichyasana, and I did! Oh, and I did Sirsasana!!! Happy, happy, happy! First time in six months and it was sooooo good :) I love that pose! Savasana was such a treat today.

After practice me and Rock’n Roll Boy went for breakfast, which turned into lunch. We walked to the Beach Pavilion and had a really good herring with mashed potatoes, butter and lingonberries. My first decent meal in days! I haven't seen Rock’n Roll Boy since he got back from Mysore and it was really nice to spend some time together. He's a sweet guy and I have been exited to hear about his trip. It means so much to hang out with ashtangi friends once in a while, I've really missed that!

Saturday Euphoria

What a fantastic day this is - it's like summer is already here! And I'm sooooo grateful to Cranky and Anna for encouraging me not to drop out from this weekends workshop with Petri. Despite a slight dizziness (from not eating properly for the past days?) I had a lovely practice this morning :)))) The room was warm and cozy which brought out buckets of sweat. I was already pouring in sun sals and you could literally wring my clothes out when I finished!

I thought of Carl's post on Dynamics Versus Precision and focused on just going with the motions. Indeed that post was a good reminder for me, specially today. I used to force myself pretty hard whenever practicing with a new teacher or someone I wasn't so used to practicing with. Guess wanting to perform and need for approval is the driving force involved here? Anyway, I'm working hard to let go of all that and NOT having to perform in this kind of setting. After the past days of feeling poorly, just following my breathe wherever it was taking me really made me feel so good today :)

Magic and fairy dust!

And the story continues...

Ha! My tooth problem was in fact not better at all!!! I decided to go home early from the conference to be able to see my dentist before the weekend. Turns out that was a very good decision. Even though I this morning had less pain then the past days, it still hurt when chewing and eating. From my description of the change and character of the ache, dentist decided to open the tooth she has been suspecting all along, despite my claim it FELT like the one next to it. When she could finally see the dental pulp everything was clear. No shred of life in that tooth and that was it, nothing else to do than a root-filling. Of course there is also an infection that probably turned loose after my last visit and now has spread to the jaw. No wonder I was in such pain!

So, I need to take penicillin for ten days and since the pain probably wont get any better for a few days I'm also on both ibuprofen and papacetamol. Having to take all that AND the shit for the onychomycosis (sorry Carl!) makes me feel like a walking pharmacy! I have absolutely no idea if or how taking all those drugs affects my practice. However the thought of stuffing my body with chemicals like this is really abhorrent, I'm "soft" this way - I just want all the pain and germs to disappear, fast! I hope it doesn't mean I'm putting myself in any danger since I WILL do yoga anyway??!! Tomorrow morning is mysore with Petri and I'm not going to skip it for this, unless anyone says I ABSOLUTELY should!

My biggest problem right now is that I haven't had a decent meal for three days and I'm really hungry and running out of energy. I need to make myself some soup that doesn't need lots of chewing. I'm thinking spinach soup and boiled eggs?

Anyway, besides all the drama - IT'S A GLORIOUS DAY! I don't have an outdoors thermometer, but I can tell it's at least 68 degrees and even warmer in the sun. It was just such a fantastic feeling to step out of the train station at lunch time and see the streets swarming with people. All dressed like it's already summer. Sitting and strolling all over the place, in parks, outside coffee shops and restaurants.

I LOVE this city this time of year!

Bad body parts - Part I

For the first time in my life I'm experiencing a toothache, a severe toothache. Started the night before yesterday, out of nowhere came this thumping pain in the upper left jaw.

What is wrong with my left side anyway???! Seems everything bad that have afflicted my body lately happens in my left side?

Anyway, the horrible pain kept me awake almost all night. Think I had like three hours of sleep before I got up and called my dentist. I got an emergency appointment a few hours later.

For the last couple of years I've had some tingles on and off in that area, but my dentist has never found anything suspicious or wrong on my yearly check-ups. On the contrary, she always praise me for my impeccable dental hygiene! She didn't find anything yesterday either... So this is most peculiar, why am I having these symptoms?

She removed the filling in one of the teeth that MIGHT be the problem and put in a temporary one. We'll have to wait a few days to see if things get better or not. I'm on anodyne right now so it isn't really that bad at the moment. What worries me is that I'm on my way to a conference in another part of the country and wont be back until Friday evening. IF this gets worse before I get back, maybe I'll have to see another dentist there? I hate going to the dentist and really only trust my own, so that fucking scares me!

And I'm scared to eat too! It starts hurting again when I do, not as bad as before, but still. So for now, I just drink a lot and only eat very soft things, like bananas. I'm hungry...

It´s True

Now I'm almost crying, again! Just saw the last episode of this AMAZING documentary about a class of ninth graders in one of the weakest schools in Sweden. They did a project in order to improve and become one of the three best classes in the country. Part of the project was to make a television documentary about the journey. This song was the track for the finishing scenes and it just made me ready to cry - tears of happiness. Do I need to say how it ended?

Sweet Sunday

What a beautiful day! Almost eight hours of sleep, lovely temperature, birds twittering and morning practice at Morning Stars shala :) Must be that it's getting warmer outside - I worked up a good sweat today, which of course helped a lot! Didn't feel all that stiffness and I practiced all the way up to navasana. Working a lot with relaxing shoulders and neck. I get the feeling that I need to re-learn a lot of very basic movements in order to really lower my shoulders and not put stress on the neck. Morning Star argues that it's not a question of re-learning, but rather to open joints and muscles in a body that has been hooky and contracted for half a lifetime. Oh, I guess she's right! But still, yoga IS a constant learning process. The body changes and the premises are different from one day to another. The moment I think I know something about something I have to re-conceptualize! Need to remind myself that is what it's all about.

I am...

I am: myself
I think: too much
I know: things will eventually turn out for the best
I want: to be happy
I have: so much to be thankful for
I wish: there were less work days of the week
I hate: when I procrastinate
I miss: my grandmother
I fear: not having love in my life
I feel: sad that my job is not as fulfilling as it used to be
I hear: the twitter of birds
I smell: l'eau d'issey
I crave: bacon and chocolate (not at the same time though!)
I search: for the people and experiences that make me feel good
I wonder: what will happen next
I regret: not much
I love: watching the stars
I ache: in my left shoulder
I care: for the people around me
I always: floss
I am not: jealous
I believe: there is always another side to things
I dance: to drum'n bass/jungle
I sing: to my niece
I cry: either of happiness or out of frustration and powerlessness
I don’t always: do the things I should
I fight: for what I believe in
I write: to improve
I win: when I'm not competing
I lose: if I play the lottery
I never: get to sleep early enough
I confuse: the ones who wants to categorize people
I listen: as well as I speak
I can usually be found: at work
I am scared: to fail
I need: to get things done
I am happy about: my niece